Post heart attack #2

In the weeks and months following a heart attack there are many new experiences to accommodate as your body settles into its new reality. Your mind has some adjusting to do also, and sometimes you feel caught between a rock and a hard place. I wrote this in my post heart attack days:

The truth is that I no longer have trust in myself – it seems my body is acting independently of my mind, or my mind is acting independently of my brain. Is that even possible?
How can I be ambushed by myself? How can my mind wake me up from sleep in a panic, a physical and mental panic that remains even when I’m fully awake? When I rationalise with myself, why doesn’t the panic go away? It’s like a muscle spasm – it doesn’t matter that you mentally tell it to relax, it just carries on until it relaxes in its own sweet time.

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About lorrainegradwell

Active in the disabled peoples' movement since the early 80's, stepping back a bit now but still speaking up and still looking for independence and an end to discrimination.
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One Response to Post heart attack #2

  1. Hello Lorraine – I love that expression “ambushed by myself”. That’s exactly how I would have described my own heart attack, too. Thanks so much for this…

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